Leave Aaron Hernandez Out of Your Pats Trolling

By
Updated: June 28, 2013
trololo

Like many (or perhaps most) of you, I’ve been watching the Aaron Hernandez saga unfold in a bewildered manner. I offer no answers as to what would cause a young, successful, and wealthy athlete who had it all would possibly do what he is accused (other than perhaps acquiring success and wealth isn’t a complete definition of “having it all”).

Every passing day brings us sordid new details. The victim, Odin Lloyd, may have been murdered because of a connection to other murders. That Hernandez may have been involved with those other murders. That Hernandez may be a serial killer. The story has reached Bill Simmons’ notorious “Tyson” zone, where any new rumor that arises warrants serious consideration due to the bizarre nature of the story as a whole.

The reason I’m talking about all of this on a Buffalo Bills blog is that eventually, a NFL fan begins to consider the event’s football implications (and I’m not the only one). Some may say this is inappropriate due to the severity of the alleged crimes, but I’m not one of them. The only reason this situation is a national story was Hernandez’s status as productive player on the best franchise in the country’s favorite sport.

Not only do Buffalo Bills fans’ considerations increase exponentially due to the fact that we play the Patriots twice a year, but the season opener is in Orchard Park. In a way, the Bills are the first team (after the Pats) to feel the effects on the football field. While the Bills may benefit from having one less TE to give up touchdowns to, the loss of Hernandez doesn’t really change how I feel about the Bills chances to beat NE week 1 positively or negatively.

What I’m much more concerned about is the pending onslaught of terrible Aaron Hernandez murder jokes that are waiting to be released from the Twitter feeds of western New Yorkers during that week 1 tilt, especially in the event that the Bills take a lead and (dare I say) win.

This may seem sanctimonious coming from a guy who’s made similar jokes about ESPN Analyst Ray Lewis, but the reason is not because I believe I am some moral beacon of justice when a sports figure falls into a grimmer news story. I’m a blogger, not a self aggrandizing sportswriter.

No, the real reason I implore you, dear Bills fan, to resist the siren of the Hernandez joke is that you and I are uniquely unqualified to make such a crack. Observe:

That’s right. In case you’ve forgotten, the biggest athlete punchline of all time, Orenthal James, was primarily a Buffalo Bill. As such, we must abstain, lest we prove ourselves hypocrites; or at least set ourselves up for a stinging counter punch from Tawmmy from Quinzee. I know it looks tempting, but we have to sit this one out.